Like most of my photos, this one has as story as well. As you well know I love being naked every chance I get, has nothing to do with sexuality, or perversion, and I think I've explained nudism quiet well in previous post. But, this one has a message. The message was aimed at an ex-boyfriend shortly after our break up. I posted this on Face Book at the time just to piss him off. and it did. You see he was my first attempt of having a relationship after Scott's passing. Too soon, not enough time to grieve over Scott, and I picked a lunatic. Now, for the record before I go any further, I'm not going to say anything that's not true, and this isn't a post of revenge, I'm just telling my story about the photo. If said person gets offended and want's to rebut my story, he's more than welcome to do so in the comments section below. Now, with that said (covering my ass) here we go. I'm just hitting the highlights and soon I'll post a pod cast on the subject of past relationships gone bad. There were four, and all four were a shit show. But, maybe it was just me. Who knows?
I met this guy on Gay.Com, and after meeting him and going through 11 months of pure hell, I don't visit that site any more. It's about like eating at McDonalds and getting food poisoning, you just never want to go back. Same thing, just different. Needless to say, over the 11 months, he shared his issues and let me tell you, I'm not wired to handle people with mental issues. Bat shit crazy issues. He suffered from PDST, no, he wasn't in the military, he was abused as a child, mentally and it really fucked him up. Also, a horrific case of narcissism with a heavy dose of passive aggressive, folks, it was a really challenging 11 months. He would start an argument just so he could win. I never won, he always did. HIs self as steam was so low, he could only feel good if he brought me down below that level. We would go shop, just for him, not me. I did all I could to make him happy, and it ended up with some kind of drama. Again, I'm not wired for that. I like to think I'm a happy go lucky guy, but going through this challenge, he had me questioning myself, 'was I that bad of a person?' My friends began to tell me 'you're not the same, what's the matter? What's going on?' Bless my cousin's heart, we would have coffee and I'd cry on her shoulder, so to speak. One morning she sat me down and said, "I was marred to a guy like that, he won't change, you will, and not for the better. You have one of two choices, learn to live with it, or walk away.' Finally, after I felt like I was beat in submission, I got up, said goodbye and went home. Then and only then was he willing to change his ways, get help with his PDST, etc. Two words. Empty promises. ~ Now, to the photo above.
He had a few things, he called treasures, stored at my house, one was a glass shadow box of exotic butterflies. Can you find them in the photo? Look on the fence behind me. Well, weeks, maybe a month or two after I walked out and started being myself again, I put my halo to the side and decided to piss his ass off. Just my way of saying kiss my ass. The butterflies were to direct the message to him. LOL, he did reply, all he could say was, please ship me my butterflies. I did. They weren't mine, and he did say please.
What I did learn and have heavy guilt was, I rushed too quick into a relationship, not to replace Scotty, but to fill the void. When I came to realize that, I was back to mourning Scott's loss, and it much worse because I felt guilty not doing it in the beginning. Scott would had understood, it took time to heal from his loss, and on top of that, it took time to recover such a horrific relationship with that guy. Needless to say, I must not had learned too much, the next three were just a weird and screwed up, but I have learned to watch for red flags, I've got enough experience that when a guy opens his mouth, I can tell you if he's a nut job or not. I guess it takes some of us a little longer to learn.
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